“Chop Wood. Carry Water.” The awakening in a pandemic.

“Before enlightenment, chop wood and carry water; after enlightenment, chop wood and carry water. “

This classic Zen Proverb can be interpreted in many ways, meaning that there could be no ultimate answer, only ways in which we can investigate and find “an answer.” When I made a Google Search for the proverb it came back with “about 7.4 million results.” Investigate seems to be “The Answer,” but I’m getting ahead of This Self. 

I thought of this proverb because it feels relevant to my, and others, sense of the current shift in our culture: “Before pandemic lockdown, chop wood and carry water; during pandemic lockdown, chop wood and carry water. “

Meaning: how is it I adapt to the “new normal,” or as I like to say “the new abnormal.” I am coming to “An Answer” in the midst of this Pandemic: More of a spiritual deeper dive and the daily, simple, habits of living. 

It seems to be about how, and when, I trust “the process,” and what that allows to be uncovered. Investigation is my direction, but these days it feels like kind of investigation that’s like observing a horse gently kick you in the head.

One meaning, of this proverb could be, when you reach enlightenment you’ll still have to do daily tasks. Another meaning, could be, when you reach the “pinnacle of achievement” (an odd grasping not-so-very Dharma phrase) you’ll also still have to do daily tasks.

Thich Nhat Hanh has apparently said that “happiness is a habit” and, I’m guessing, that many a teacher would say “enlightenment” is reached by performing daily routines, sometimes seemingly, boring chores.

From WikiPedia – The English term enlightenment is the western translation of the abstract noun bodhi, the knowledge or wisdom, or awakened intellect, of a Buddha. The root of ‘bodi’ means "to awaken," and its literal meaning is closer to "awakening."  What I’ve noticed is that, in terms of awakening, enlightenment, and being content is that I, others, and cultural pressure, think about “someday.” 

Someday when I’m in better health I’ll take care of my physical body. Someday when I have a husband I’ll feel more accepted and loved, someday when I have a dog, instead of a cat I’ll be happier with my pet, and someday I’ll learn to cook. And then Karma, The Great Goddess Of “Oh No You Won’t Wait for Someday” kicks us in the head – or, at least, that’s my perception, with the learning opportunity of a massive global crisis. 

Briefly, let’s go back to “enlightenment.” As I understand it there isn’t anyone I know, who knows anyone, who has reached that place called “enlightenment.” Enlightenment sounds a lot more fixed, more static, or a pinnacle place, for that matter, is The Top of Enlightenment Everest, then the simple place of awakening. Awakening feels more possible, more in the moment. Because it seems like something I might do, then lose, then awaken again. Like I do daily, with sleep. 

a·wak·en·ing – noun – 1: of waking from sleep – 2: of becoming suddenly aware of something – 3: adjective - coming into existence or awareness.

Wait … Wow … that’s a game changer: what if it’s “coming into the existence of awareness.”

A Spiritual Leader I know likes to answer some questions with: “Not on this side of the grave.” And I’m learning to love that phrase as I’m a spiritual perfectionist: one day I’ll be enlightened in this life, on this side of the grave. For most of my adult life, likely my childhood too, I believed that, like a good industrialized nation subject, living in a capitalist system, I’d have something better “someday.” 

So, if I move from the construct of “enlightenment” to “awakening” just that meager shift in nomenclature alone gives me hope, and my experience of “awakening in this life.” 

But back to insanity – The way I experience most people speeding by me on the freeway these days is that I make up that they believe, like I do, that there’s something better in the future –  Don’t get me wrong I do have “somethings better” in my late 50’s: a career I love, friends I adore, amazing healthcare, fantastic neighbors, a cat who keeps me on my toes, and some very practical forms of security. I also love teaching, so thank you. 

And, this mind is often never satisfied, often not at ease, and does suffer from a less popularized translation of the first noble truth: “profound unsatisfactoriness.” 

As many of us can recall, the Buddha taught that this life is full of unsatisfactoriness of varying types. 

• Dukkha-dukkha – the suffering of suffering – physical and emotional discomfort and pain all humans experience in life.

• Vipari-nama-dukkha – the suffering of change – suffering that arises from an inability to accept change; cling to pleasure or discomfort and feel uncomfortable with change, or the passing as we struggle with the fact of impermanence.

• San-khara-dukkha – the suffering of existence – background suffering – the profound unsatisfactoriness of existence, caused simply by existence.

This kind of suffering in the moment, instead of being in the moment, is the same way I notice impatience arise when I’m in a perceived line. All of a sudden part of my brain wants to be moving, to be in the shorter line, to get through this quicker – the only thing that’s changed in that moment is I went from moving (a construct) to standing still (another construct) — I am choosing to perceive that there was a “there there.” 

But on the other hand if I see that “there there” doesn’t exist, and I accept (oh, gee I’m normal!) that there’s disappointment and loss in this life, that I’m less special, and then less surprised by the mundane and loss. It’s a relief. Like letting go of the construct of perfection: “phew” you mean I can let down my hair, or in our case dress in my sweats all day?

This is also known as learning to realize that the impulse that we need to hurry off and perform a full on FOMO, Fear Of Missing Out, is the dis-ease of not being in this moment, in this life, with this breath, with this normal “Oh gee this isn’t so great.” Especially when we’re perceiving unsatisfactoriness. Now, how about a pandemic to stir this up a little?

My new self question is: What about now is unsatisfactory? What is the mind believing that will make over there  have more satisfaction? What’s it like, to just feel where I am right now? The Pandemic has done the opposite for me, in terms of what I crave: as someone who loves to run around visiting other people, and being busy, I’m forced to live with me and my cat (she just made a third appearance, she’d be pleased). 

This process began months ago when I did something I’ve only done for one other year in my entire life: live alone. It’s been a bit of arduous journey, because the anxiety I experienced (from trauma) about just living with just me was so off the charts I suffered from insomnia. As the last 10 weeks have taught most of us I have had to learn a new way of living: that the someday of a husband, or even a roommate, or for that matter a completely organized home, isn’t something that’s going to happen soon. 

I’ve found more and more time with just This Self; my spiritual practices (also TV, work, food, and chores), are The Chopping Wood and Carrying Water of each day.  Not and easy process to have to slow down this quickly, and this significantly, but one that’s working on all of us, nonetheless.

What I’ve come to realize, in working with a spiritual director, and reading a book about awakening (not specifically Buddhist – but I notice the similarities), is that there is a “dark night of the soul” journey we are being taken into — whatever I’m clinging to creates unsatisfactoriness, but when I’m paying to in this moment: the keys clicking as I type, the cat doing her antics, the birds outside the window, the sounds of other humans, brings me into NOW.

Speaking of now, back to that Zen Proverb – maybe it means that awakening is an inward journey … or “inside job” as 12-step lingo likes to call it. It’s how we look at life. A perspective shift, or if we’re really lucky, a paradigm shift … this is an awakening moment, and then this one, and this one. And, sometimes, in this life they string together towards more and more brief periods of understanding; then there is a greater-ness to each moment, and each day. 

 If we’re able to tolerate it. 

So, my point is that all of my practice is about returning to the moment between stimulus and response: seeing the reactions, and like in meditation practice, and coming back to the fuller larger connected “self” in this moment of whatever stress has arisen. This what I hope to continue to achieve: this little awakening, then this one, then this one. 

I offer an awakening practice this week: allow one difficult emotion to arise and don’t run from it, see if there’s a way to feel the sensations in the body, or get creative and describe it (possibly aloud) in a manner that’s not just naming it (for me that difficult emotional state is sometimes “loneliness”). 

 If it’s available to you to not run from it, see if there’s any new understanding of it (for instance when I stayed with “loneliness” for a little while, and investigated the nuances (and honestly, cry), I find it a lot less harmful – or rather less self harmful. 

See you you can do the same for another emotion or sensation that’s more neutral (my fingers tapping at these keys) and explore it. 

Then do the same with one positive emotion or sensation. Even indulge in a “this thing, person, relationship” looks that much better now. 

If we explore these things, pausing, and see that our mind usually tries to shuttle off experiences, then we just may discover that this moment, even in discomfort, is not as overwhelmingly consuming as we might believe. 

This moment. Then this one. Then this one.