To Get Something You Never Had … God? (YIKES!)

This particular writing evolved out of an email a friend sent to me … please take what you like and leave the rest. Or, in the words of Anne Lamott, since the word ‘god’ “can make many progressive people run screaming for their cute little lives” try replacing it with the word ‘love’).

To get something you never had, you have to do something you never did.

Success means doing the things that we may not want to do. Want love? Be loving to the unloved or unlovable; listen to the stories of the least desirable (Max Ehrmann), as they too need love. Kindness? Be kind in a moment when it feels challenging. What we give returns to us ten-fold. Or, in the words of AA: “Fake it until you make it;” act “as if” and eventually it wont be “if” it will just be.

Here are some of the things I am reluctant to do today: tell people “I love you”, ask for help, be open about my fears and sorrows, “turn my will and my life over to the care of God as I understand God,” attend an early morning networking meeting to promote my business, lie in bed when I’m exhausted and not judge myself, dig deep into my emotional wounds in order to find the relics that keep me from a husband and a family, and (finally) lighten up and stop worrying!

When God “takes” something from our grasp (and ‘taking’ is our perception – because that’s all there is in the universe, ebb and flow, and our interpretation of events) we’re not being “punished” (because we make that meaning up) we’re simply being given the opportunity to open our hands to receive something better (which could just be the ultimate lesson of ‘not grasping’).

All hard feelings (could this be ‘takings’?), moments that don’t feel smooth, are challenges to be in this precious moment, this abundant moment. Pema Chodron says be present even the worst moments, don’t run from them, because they pass, and to allow that moment is not to cling to it, or cling to a meaning we’ve assigned it.

My friend Paul once said to me God has only 3 answers: “not now”, “yes”, or “I have something better in store for you”. For me “something better” has, on occasion, included something more difficult, because that’s precisely what I needed in order to learn and grow.

I for one would have never chosen this life path, but in the words of an ovarian cancer survivor: “None of us get to.”

To rewrite Melody Beattie: Gratitude turns a meal with friends and/or family into a feast, my humble apartment or a visit to a friends house into a home, and an acquaintance into a angel. It makes sense of my past, brings peace for me today, and creates a vision for me for tomorrow. Without it I am “adrift without a keel” (the big book of OA).

The will of God will never take us where the Grace of God will not enlighten us. My personal interpretation is that the “will of God” is always around us and that we are not separate from the creator because in the moment of creation we are the creator (Tomorrow’s God by Neale Donald Walsh) – it’s the Will of Others/Selves we have to watch out for! Something good will happen to you today (something always does; the question is: are our eyes open to see the magnificence of a smile, that we have hot running water, or food on our plates?), something that we have been waiting to hear.

A Prayer of Sorts (you could replace the word ‘love’ with the word ‘god’ – but that’s up to you): “Love walk through my house and remove all of my worries and illnesses. Please watch over me and heal my loved ones. Please watch over and heal those I would call my enemies. In the name of Love I ask for this for all beings everywhere: may they be free of suffering, may they be at peace, may they be free from harm. Let all that I do today be of service to all beings everywhere and let all that I do come from Love.

(thanks to W3Schools for the HTML help)

Blessings and Love,

– Kenji


  1. Coach Kenji,
    I am a believer in God as well as the other 2 in the Trinity. I found it refreshing & was uplifted by the positive faith based message in your post. The only part that I didn’t quite understand was, “in the moment of creation we are the creator.” However, that was not central to my purpose in responding. I related to the message to venture out of ourselves and our perceived limits (especially self-judgment) to MAKE what we want happen, thus, moving toward what we are wanting. Need to hear that message.

    I found your link on a youtube video of a Dr. Barkley presentation. I am looking for a life/ADHD coach. Wanted to get 1. some info about your practice…you know logistics about how it works/cost, etc. 2. Would love to look at those self coaching worksheets of yours. My intention is to look at them and use them, but I don’t make promises to myself anymore. My email is below. Looking forward to hearing from you.

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